Comments on: Mama, Don’t Be So Mean: A Look at Black Parenting Today

By: eisa

eisa — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:26:42 +0000

Thanks so much for your comment, Melanie. I agree that, as a parent, you must be in control at all times. Children actually want their caretakers to set limits – even teenagers want to feel an adult is in charge and has their best interests in mind as they lay down rules for the household and for overall behavior. The trick is to respond with power – but not force – when young people (inevitably) test and even break those rules. It’s not always easy, and parenting is exhausting, but we have to control ourselves before we can even begin to expect young people to control themselves. After all, they learn how to act by watching us.

Eisa

By: Melanie Council-Porter

Melanie Council-Porter — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:44:49 +0000

I agree with your article to a degree…..I live in the South but was raised in the North. I did see a lot of what you said in your article. A lot of parents don’t have good parenting skills because of what’s normal for them. To some degree the discipline taught will teach the child to not be so dependent on the parents. I see a lot of children being raised here in my area (Charlotte, NC) and they are so hand held. Parent fuss over there children, there children can’t do no wrong, the boys wine more than the girls and so on and so on……How can experienced parents be a part of a solution instead of feeding the problem? We know these problems are out there, but how can these parents be reached. They need to know that there is a better way to parenting without yelling, grabbing or using offensive language. But in a way that still respects them as the parent.

By: eisa

eisa — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 17:16:50 +0000

I’m not surprised at your passion, LaJane. Thank YOU for bearing witness to our children’s pain. Black mothers are under such stress… for the babies’ health, emotional and physical, we must improve the lives of Black families.

By: LaJane Galt

LaJane Galt — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 16:09:03 +0000

Thank you Thank you.

For years I have noted how many women* only interact with their kids to scold. Never to point out trees, birds. It’s never positive.

It breaks my heart when I see black kids snatched, yanked, popped, talked to like dirt, told to stfu for anything. ANYTHING. I always felt there was more to it than stress, fatigue and resentment. Children are treated like property that needs to be broken down.

I live in a multi-racial, mixed income area. I don’t see poor/working-class Latinas yanking and dragging their kids.

I always see black kids dragged along…their hands aren’t being held…they are being dragged to keep up with adult steps. Today, I crossed the street going the opposite direction of a mother who was dragging her daughters along. The tiny one (about 2 1/2) was in such distress. She was on the verge of tears and knew that if one drop fell she’d just make her mom angrier; it was all over her face. I don’t even have kids, but I knew she was tired and needed to be carried. I wanted to pick her up so badly.

*In no way do I mean to absolve absentee fathers.

By: eisa

eisa — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:30:45 +0000

Thanks for your comment, Dana. I hope this article helps get that conversation going. It is a shame that so many of us are afraid to intervene when we witness abuse – especially because our communities have historically been places where everyone contributes to the healthy upbringing of the neighborhood children.

Eisa

By: Dana

Dana — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:05:13 +0000

Dear Eisa,

Thank you for this piece. I get so mad when I see black women cussing at their kids and hitting them. It happens on the train, on the bus, in the grocery store, in church and I always want to say something but I don’t for fear of causing a heating altercation or that the mother might take it out on the kid later. This kind of behavior has become acceptable in our communities and it needs to stop. First, we have to have a discussion in our communities. This kind of violence early on destroys our young folk.

Dana
Harlem